Infatuation
by Neflanthir
Summary: Another random Sam/Ruby fic I'm afraid, this one set after S04E16 On the Head of a Pin . Sam's POV on certain events I can't mention for spoilers & a visit to Ruby.


_Pam's last words have a habit of reverberating in my mind; oddly, they don't bother me as much as I'm sure they should, despite the fact that they keep replaying. It didn't stop me from taking more only hours after her funeral. They're afraid and they don't understand, they don't want to understand. I don't need them to, unlike them, I'm not afraid to do what needs to be done._

_If Castiel couldn't even deal with Alistair, how is he going to stop Lilith? I'm not strong enough yet, I found that out the hard way, but I will be. Ruby will give me the strength I need to win this; Lilith will fall, I'll make sure of it. I'll see Ruby soon; I just have to wait a little longer, though I'm getting restless. I hate having to wait just because Dean doesn't trust her._

_If I think I have good intentions I need to think again…do I? What would she know? Its demonic power, it's bound to feel 'wrong' to her, it doesn't change the fact that I'm helping people. What is it with everyone making out that I'm going to go dark side? Why is Ruby the only one telling me I'm doing a good job? It's annoying that no one has any faith in me. A somewhat more humane demon is the only one who doesn't see me as a monster._

_Despite my brother's opinion, I'm not stupid. I know Ruby is using me and it isn't as if she's ever claimed otherwise. We're both using each other and we both need each other, that's just the way it works. It doesn't mean that we don't care about each other though; it doesn't mean that everything is a lie. Either way, and for whatever her reasons may be, it doesn't change the fact that she's the only support I've got._

_I know I'm falling deeper and deeper, I know that the more I have the more I want. It's becoming less about her and more about taking what I need, but I do enjoy 'that' sort of interaction with her too, having her close, feeling, tasting, taking. Ruby belongs to me and I'm not going to let that change easily. What I want, she gives, no matter what, though I know she makes sure that things go how she wants them to as well._

_Maybe that's part of the attraction, that despite how meek she can come across, she's so strong-willed. She's willing to give whatever it takes to get what she wants. That's why she gives me her blood, why she pushed me to do it, saying it was the only way for me to get stronger. I don't doubt the truth of that, I know how much stronger it makes me, but she pushes and manipulates to get what she wants and she is so very good at it._

_I don't care though, its fine for us to use each other. If we both get what we want, where's the harm? I want much more than just her blood tonight though, I want her completely. She won't deny me, I know, she never does, the problem is getting out of here. Dean is driving me mad and the fact that I want her and it so damned badly really isn't helping with things. I know I'm going to lose my temper if things carry on much longer and I really don't want that to happen._

_He just needs to quit whining and go out, or go to sleep, I don't care which. I need to get out of here, I need to see her. I'm so bored and frustrated it's ridiculous. Forget it, I've had enough, I'm just going to leave and if he doesn't like it, tough. I have got to get out of this room and away from my over-bearing brother for a while. Ignoring the fact that he's driving me up the wall, I have cravings to satiate._

"Look, I have got to get out of here for a while, no offence man, but you're driving me mad. I'll be back sometime later." Sam stated as he picked up a few things.

Dean just looked at him, not quite sure how he wanted to respond. "What is going on with you lately? I'm really not sure who you are anymore Sammy."

"I could say the same about you; fact is that we've both changed Dean. And whether you've realised it or not, you've been griping for over an hour now and I can't take much more of it."

Dean didn't respond this time and Sam took the opportunity to leave. He knew he probably shouldn't be so blunt, it just put more friction between them, but he couldn't help it. Sometimes it seemed like all his brother did was bitch about something. Dean just wasn't as strong as he used to be, he didn't seem nearly so able to cope with things. It didn't help that Sam was so much stronger and more independent now; it made Dean's weakness and indecision frustrating.

_I love him, I do, he's my brother, but we seem to spend more time fighting than anything else now and even though most of the time I keep my mouth shut, I'm still in the wrong for something or other. He looks down on me, picks me apart, but he ignores his own faults and part in this. It isn't fair that I get blamed for everything, if that hadn't happened then I wouldn't have changed. Besides, I really can't see that making sure we win is something they should be complaining about. I haven't hurt anyone, unlike the angels threatened to do, so why am I so bad? They're all such hypocrites._

Sam arrived at the rather nicer hotel that Ruby had booked herself into and made his way to her room. He felt thoroughly under-dressed in the surroundings and wished he'd bothered giving it some thought before he'd left the motel. Really he didn't even know why Ruby had wasted the money to stay in a place like this, though thinking about it he supposed maybe she just wanted to stay somewhere nice for a change. He couldn't really blame her; this place was much more comfortable than dilapidating houses and seedy motels.

"Hey Sam." Ruby greeted as she opened the door to let him in.

Sam stepped inside and waited for Ruby to close the door before pushing her against it and kissing her possessively. "Hi."

Ruby grinned and shook her head, walking past him to sit on the bed. Sam smirked, that was exactly where he wanted her and she knew it, though he knew she wasn't going to make it quite that easy. That was fine, he was up for a game and she was more than willing to give him one. She always did seem to know what he wanted or needed and how to go about it.

As expected, Ruby turned away when Sam tried to kiss her again, but did little to prevent him from pushing her backwards to lie on the bed. Sam hovered over her, holding her wrists above her head with one hand. This time he held her face to keep her from moving away when he went to kiss her again. Ruby nipped him playfully for the action and Sam grinned, half tempted to retaliate but deciding better of it. If he tasted 'that', it would ruin things and he was enjoying this.

It was rare that she was ever so playful, that their interactions were so 'normal'. It was nothing about demons, blood or the apocalypse, it was just them. It was a nice distraction from everything, though no doubt another nail in his coffin. He was getting far too attached to her already, without doing something like this. Still, it was something he wanted and she was willing to give, so he wasn't going to complain.

_Sometimes I really do wonder if I love her, in some weird, twisted way. After everything that's happened, things were bound to have changed between us. I'm not really sure what's made the biggest difference though, her saving me, sleeping together or her blood. Part of me knows its wrong, but that part is getting smaller and smaller, while the part that craves it is getting stronger. She's addictive in so many ways and I know I'm falling hard, but I don't think that I care anymore._

"You're over thinking things again." Ruby stated softly, raising her knee between his legs.

Sam grinned, kissing her solidly, when she wanted his complete attention, she knew how to get it. "Just thinking about you, us; but you're right, why think about it when I can do whatever I want to you?"

Ruby smirked and returned to lying flat on the bed. "Do whatever you want? Oh, I don't know Sammy, could you really?"

Sam returned the smirk, more than happy to take the bait and prove that he could and would. Ruby was going to have one hell of a night to remember by the time he was through with her. He was definitely getting attached, to her and to the body. Yes, she was a manipulative bitch but she was also compliant and willing to please, and oh could she please. They were treading on new ground tonight, but that just made things all the more exciting, she always made things exciting, and addictive.

And who cared what they all thought really? Who were they to judge him? They couldn't possibly understand how it felt, what it meant. No, Ruby was the closest there was to understanding what it was to be demonic and human at the same time, though they were opposites. It didn't matter; as long as he had her, as long as she helped him and made him stronger, they would win.

That was all that meant anything right now after all, winning the war. He was the one who could stop this; he was the one with the strength to end it. Dean would understand in the end, once everyone had been saved, then he would see that Sam had been right. He would be able to keep her with him then; Dean would have to accept her eventually, since she would have helped them win. It would all be okay, everything would work out in the end.

* * *

Maybe not one of the best I've written, but it's been a while since I wrote anything again, so I wanted to do something. Hopefully it isn't too bad!! Thanks to anyone who reviews, it's always much appreciated. Laters!


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